Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a practice that can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. It is a powerful tool for reducing stress, improving mental and physical health, and building a positive connection with yourself. .

One of the most effective ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life is through meditation. There are many different types of meditation, but at its core, meditation is the practice of focusing your attention on the present moment. This can be done by paying attention to your breath, repeating an affirmation, or connecting to a specific tactile sensation or visual image

A wonderful benefit of mindfulness is that it helps in disrupting counterproductive patterns. Mindfulness meditation helps build awareness of your thoughts and feelings, and how those thoughts and feelings influence your behavior and the story you are telling yourself. Learning to listen to ourselves without judgment allows us to identify patterns in our behaviors and thoughts without the cloud of judgment. The ability to disrupt undesired patterns helps in building a greater sense of security and empowerment.

Another important aspect of mindfulness is paying attention to your body. This can be done by focusing on the sensation of your breath, systemically relaxing different parts of your body, or attuning to the 5 senses. Connecting yourself to what is happening in the present moments helps the mind and body process what is happening rather than the fear of what could be or should be happening.

It is important to understand that mindfulness can also be practiced in a variety of ways. You can take time for simple actions to create a state of mindful focus eg. paying attention to your surroundings, taking a breath, or narrating what you are doing. Incorporating mindfulness into your life can take time and practice. What matters most is giving yourself time and permission to learn what works best for you. By becoming more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings, you are building a practice that enhances your relationship with yourself.

An Analogy to understand the importance of self-care

The metaphor of high tide and low tide can be a valuable way to understand the ebbs and flows that we experience in our lives. Using a metaphor that places the understanding outside of ourselves and the judgments we hold about how we should be. Just as the tides are beyond our control and will inevitably change, so too will our energy levels and resilience vary over time. It's important to recognize when we are at low tide it is essential to be gentle with ourselves during these times, as we may be more vulnerable to being affected by things. Such as comments that normally wouldn't bother us, a sudden change in schedule, not hearing from a friend or loved one, etc. During these low tide windows, engaging in self-care, making space for community care, addressing physical health needs, and continuing to assess current needs and beliefs can be vital. By being aware of our own high and low tides, we can better navigate life's challenges and demands and take care of ourselves in a sustainable way. You aren’t broken because your ability to cope with life changes. Shifts in energy are as natural as the tide. You are allowed to have support in identifying what you need to be present or absent in navigating the ebbs and flows of energy, motivation and confidence that a natural part of life.

Steps to take during a low tide period:

1. Address any issues related to sleep

• Ensure where you sleep feels comfortable

• Get sunlight shortly after waking up and during sunset

• Avoid or limit screen time after 10 pm

2. Find comforting  activities that match your emotional energy level

• Listen to an album you enjoyed in the past

• Listen to an audiobook or podcast about something you find interesting

• Create a list of new things you want to try when you are feeling more like yourself

3. Practice mindfulness in a way that makes sense for you

• Take a shower or bath by candlelight

• Take 5-10 slow deep breaths at the start or end of your day

• Slow down and notice the steps involved in a typical activity

4. Find a way to move that feels safe and manageable

• Everyone has different physical abilities and a different relationship with movement

• Find a way to engage in movement that promotes connection and joy 

• Inconsistent physical activity is better than no activity

5. Practice neutral or affirming self-talk 

• Example: I should be able to do the dishes. I am so worthless I can’t even do this right. 

• Neutral: I know I need to the dishes and I don’t have the energy right now. I will come back and figure out a plan to get them done later

• Affirming: I want to get dishes done and I don’t have the mental energy right now and that is absolutely okay. .

Compassion focused Care in Therapy

What is Compassion focused care?

Practicing compassion focused care emphasizes emotional safety, awareness, and accountability. Compassion assumes the best intentions and allows for the understanding that the intention can be very different than the impact. We develop behaviors and beliefs that serve a purpose. Over time those beliefs or choices may create harm, but they developed with the best of intentions. Compassion focused care aims to offset the bias that judgment and criticism can carry to increase understanding and develop systems of beliefs and behaviors that more helpful and effective.

How compassion focused care influences therapy?

Kristen Neff has done compelling research related to the benefits of compassion on mental health, physical health and overall happiness and wellness.  I absolutely encourage you to look into her work if you are interested in understanding more of the science and research behind compassion focused therapy and care. I am going to share more of my personal experiences as therapist and human. Compassion is the great combatant against shame.  Shame creates a narrative that we are unworthy and undeserving. Compassion creates a narrative around worthiness and understanding. Building compassion helps people look at behavior and choices from a more neutral perspective. If I make a mistake and lean into compassion. A mistake is an opportunity to learn. If I make a mistake and I am trapped in shame, then every mistake is a confirmation of my unworthiness. The stories we tell ourselves are very related to the stories we tell about other people and vice versa. So from my point of view, compassion focused therapy requires helping people build  awareness around how old beliefs and value systems may create or reinforce shame and helping people explore if that belief system or value fits with the life they want for themselves. That starts with me modeling what compassion looks like. Then asking questions to build compassion and challenge old thoughts and beliefs.  Another piece of the journey is highlighting the benefits of demonstrating compassion and reinforcing each experience and event of compassion. While also helping client’s discern how they want to utilize and implement compassion in their day to day lives. 

If you are in need of a mental reset

If you are feeling upset or if you're having a tough moment and you need help resetting yourself mentally I want to offer a question that you can ask yourself that maybe really helpful. The question is what am I telling myself this means. I want to take a moment and explain why this question can be really helpful. By asking yourself what am I telling myself this means it separates the event from your interpretation of that event. Part of my work when I am supporting people is helping them absorb the difference between a thought and a feeling. Culturally we often use the phrase “I feel” to describe an interpretation or an analysis of what's happened. I feel like you don’t love me anymore. I feel like this the best thing ever. It's so diffuse in our language and culture that we absorb the idea that the interpretation is the feeling itself. And if the interpretation is the feeling then that can quickly translate (implicitly quietly and in the background of our mind) as what I am feeling factual represents what happened. Take the time to slow down and to understand that there is the event, there is your interpretation, and there are feelings related to the interpretation. Each is separate from the other.

Let's first talk about a reset in a game. We can reset in a sports game like bowling, in a video game, or a board game. There are so many reasons why we might stop and reset. Typically there has been some kind of disruption or issue. When it becomes clear that a reset is necessary. Generally, we stop our progression in the game. Pieces of the game may move or restart, but those changes do not erase our knowledge about the game. We still are able to recall what we know about that game and what we know about what's coming. The same can be true for a mental reset. A mental reset is a chance to stop this current level of engagement or interpretation. A mental reset doesn't change that there are certain triggers or activating factors in our life that are going to provide the challenges in this particular moment. A mental reset says now that I know what's happening let me use this knowledge to my advantage.

So how does a reset play out in real life. Let's say you're preparing dinner and you communicate to your partner that you're planning to make spaghetti. And they say “oh OK”. Depending on the tone, the volume, and your partner’s specific communication pattern that response is open to interpretation. Its the difference between “Oh ok!” and “oh…..ok” For the sake of this example let's say that you interpret their response as disappointed. Suddenly your mood shifts from excited to having your favorite meal to anxious (or mad or apathetic). You recognize this shift and you ask yourself “What am I telling myself this means?”. Maybe you recognize you are telling yourself it means that you are only allowed to be as excited as your partner is. Maybe you're telling yourself it means that the efforts you put in to enjoying life aren't valuable to your partner. Maybe you tell yourself that it means they don't appreciate you or see you. The event is you shared what you were preparing for dinner. You interpreted their response as being disappointed. You have your feelings about their response based on what you are telling yourself it means that they are disappointed.

From this place you have a variety of options, you can ask your partner directly how they are feeling about dinner. You can tend to your own feelings. You can plan a fend for yourself night so that you can enjoy your meal and your partner can have a meal that they enjoy. You can ask for more input from partner in terms meal preparation and planning. The point is you have given yourself a reset to understand what is happening and given yourself permission to identify a more effective plan to address what you are experiencing.

Obedience and worth

I want to take a moment to remind you or share with you for the first time in your life that obedience has nothing to do with your value. You are more than your ability to comply. Obedience is not a determinant of worth and value. There is a distinction between this sense of worth and validation comes from being having a purpose and an obligation to follow certain ideas, rules or values to be considered worthy or valuable.

The idea that compliance and obedience is more important than emotional experience is often taught in childhood. I want to use an example to highlight the distinction that I'm making If we go out into a store and there is a toy aisle or just an item of interest to a young child We think we've all been in the position where we have seen or heard a child yell or scream or cry or hold onto a toy longer than the adult that is with them wishes. That event is often discussed through the lens of the adults. How embarrassed the adult is that the kid is throwing a fit. Or how annoying it is to be in a store hearing a kid’s melt down. However, the perspective of the most vulnerable person in that scenario is typically not discussed, assessed or valued. Culturally the focus is centered on some version of idea the child is being disruptive and is breaking the social norms of how to behave in public. Rather than focusing on how challenging it is to learn to accept no or how learn how to deal with disappointment. The child’s disruptive behavior is given more attention than their emotional experience.

This idea of compliance over everything is often reinforced in school and work environments. So how is this concept relevant to therapy? When we are learning to do something new, we are often unlearning old rules, beliefs and values systems. In other words, we have to become intentionally disobedient. Breaking implicit or explicit rules in work, home, or family environments can bring into sharp focus these cultural lessons and beliefs around obedience. It can create distress and lead to dysregulation and confusion. How can doing the right things feel so bad? Maybe that means it isn’t the right thing to do? So in those moments of confusion. I hope this message can serve as a reminder. Obedience never correlates to your worth. At whatever point you are experiencing in your life journey, you are actively writing your own rules of the road. You can choose uphold all, some or none of the beliefs that you were raised to believe. Whatever your choice, your worth isn’t determined by your ability to comply. Your worth is inherent. Obedience can correlate to many things in life, but it is never related to your value.

Social Media consumption

I'm a big believer in intentions so I want to set my intention from the very beginning. My goal here is to help you develop some guidelines about specifically how you want to consume social media and things to be aware of in terms of sources that you absorb and expose yourself to.

Things to consider before engaging in social media:

• What's your goal?

  • Understanding what you're trying to do can be really helpful in monitoring your social media use. Is your goal to kill time? build community? make money? deep dive into fan theories about a favorite show? etc. Knowing what you want to do can help ring an internal alert as to when you have strayed away from that.

• Could this affect what I am currently doing or what I need to do?

  • Connected to the purpose, but still a separate consideration is what needs to happen next in the flow of your life. Are you about to meet up with friends? getting ready for bed? spending time with family.

Things to consider while navigating social media:

• Social media sites and content creators have motivations and goals. Those goals may be beneficial or harmful to you or what you need to get done on any given day

• Content creators and social media sites are rewarded for engagement.

  • It is important to remember that the impact of your mental and emotional health is most immediately felt by you. It can also impact people within your circle. While some content creators take great care and consideration in their words, all content creators are rewarded for engagement. Even with that care and consideration of well meaning content creators they don’t know you personally and therefore there will always be a difference in level and type of connection between creators and their audience.

• How do you feel after?

  • How you feel is an important data point in deciding how helpful your social media use at any given moment in time. Often client’s share a shift in mood and mindset after a certain amount time on social media. In my experience, short periods tend to be more positive and longer periods more negative (whether that is toward self or the world in general).

Depression

Depression is a common issue that I address when providing support. Sometimes my clients are fully aware of their depression and it is the reason they are seeking support. Other times, my clients become aware of their depression during the treatment process. Whenever I discuss depression I always like to start with the reminder that depression is not a moral failing. Read that again depression is not a moral failing. Depression impacts multiple physiological systems. Depression impacts how we move through the day and how we interpret information. People with a depressed brain tend to interpret information more negatively and have a more negative view of the future. When it comes to the future and what is possible, if your brain is telling you that things will always be bad, that no one loves you, or that no one will miss you. I want you to know that your brain is lying to you. Not intentionally and not to torture, but essentially due to a system error. You deserve support and care as your system resets. There are things that can help. Getting sunlight, staying hydrated, eating, connecting with safe people, intentionally exposing yourself to joy on your terms in a way that feels safe for you.

Resources for support:
Click here for more information regarding depression

Call 988 or click to contact suicide and crisis lifeline

Embracing Intersectionality in Therapy: Enhancing Emotional Safety and Healing

Understanding Intersectionality in Therapy: Embracing Complexity for True Healing

In the tapestry of our lives, culture and societal expectations weave complex patterns deeply influenced by our personal histories, racial and ethnic identities, family backgrounds, sexual orientations, and gender identities. These threads of identity not only color our world but also shape our expectations and perceptions. Understanding this intricate interplay is essential in therapeutic journeys.

The Essence of Therapy: Emotional Safety and Applied Knowledge

Emotional Safety: The Bedrock of Therapy

For therapy to be transformative, it must be rooted in emotional safety. This means creating a sanctuary where all emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are met with respect and validation. In environments where a client's feelings or experiences are dismissed or misunderstood, emotional safety withers, stifling healing and growth.

Applied Knowledge: Understanding Beyond the Surface

Therapists bring a wealth of knowledge on brain development, diagnostic criteria, and therapeutic techniques. This expertise is pivotal in tailoring the therapeutic process to meet the unique needs of each client. However, a profound understanding of a person's multifaceted identity—how their various identities intersect and influence their life—is crucial. Without this lens, therapy risks being superficial, unable to fully address or acknowledge the depth of the client's experiences.

Intersectionality: A Key Player in Therapy

Intersectionality—a term that encapsulates how different aspects of our identities intersect and impact our lives—is not just a theoretical concept; it's a lived reality. Recognizing its significance in therapy is empowering. Whether your therapist shares aspects of your identity or comes from a different background, initiating conversations about how your identity shapes your experiences is vital. It ensures that therapy encompasses all facets of who you are, leaving no stone unturned in your path to understanding and healing.

Importance of Cultural Humility in Intersectional Therapy

Acknowledgment of Complexity

Recognizes the complex layers of an individual's identity and how these layers influence one’s experiences, including mental health.

Continual Learning

Encourages therapists to engage in lifelong learning about diverse cultures, identities, and experiences beyond their own.

Power Dynamics

Addresses and mitigates the power imbalances inherent in the therapist-client relationship by valuing the client's expertise in their own life.

Personal Bias

Requires therapists to reflect on and challenge their own biases and assumptions, leading to more empathetic and effective care.

Practical Tips for Finding an Intersectionality-Aware Therapist

Research Therapists’ Backgrounds and Specializations

Look for therapists who explicitly mention intersectionality, cultural humility, or cultural competence in their practice philosophy. Seek out therapists with a diverse range of experiences who engage in continuous education on these topics.

Ask Direct Questions

Inquire about a therapist’s experience working with clients from diverse backgrounds or with specific aspects of your identity. Ask how they approach cultural humility and intersectionality in their practice.

Evaluate the Therapist’s Listening Skills and Responsiveness

During initial consultations, observe whether the therapist demonstrates an open, non-judgmental listening stance. Assess their willingness to learn and adapt their approach based on your unique experiences and needs.

Seek Recommendations

Reach out to community groups or online forums for recommendations on therapists known to practice with cultural humility and understand intersectionality.

Trust Your Instincts

Ultimately, choose a therapist with whom you feel comfortable sharing your experiences and who you believe can support you in navigating the complexities of your identity.

Conclusion

Cultural humility and intersectionality are not just buzzwords in the realm of therapy; they are essential pillars that support the creation of a more inclusive, empathetic, and effective therapeutic environment. By prioritizing these concepts, therapists can foster a deeper understanding and connection with their clients, acknowledging the rich tapestry of experiences, identities, and cultures that each individual brings to the therapy room.

For clients seeking therapy, finding a practitioner who embodies cultural humility and appreciates the nuances of intersectionality is crucial for a therapeutic journey that truly respects and addresses the entirety of their identity. It is through this lens that therapy can transcend traditional boundaries, offering a space where all individuals feel seen, understood, and valued. In the pursuit of mental health and well-being, embracing cultural humility and intersectionality paves the way for a more compassionate, nuanced, and holistic approach to healing.