My Emotional Regulation Checklist: What I Do When I'm Feeling Off
What Do I Do When I Feel Down?
As someone who supports many people with diverse experiences and needs, I often find myself reflecting on what I personally do when I feel down or dysregulated. Sometimes, the people I work with benefit from specific, step-by-step examples of how to manage difficult emotions. In those instances, I often use my own experiences as a reference point to highlight what it feels like to go through a tough moment and, more importantly, how I work through it.
I’d like to take a moment to share the checklist I run through when I notice that I’m feeling upset or emotionally off balance. This process has helped me and others work through difficult emotions, and I hope it offers some insight.
My Checklist for Emotional Regulation
Start with HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired The first thing I ask myself is: Have my basic needs been met? HALT is an acronym that stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. These are common triggers for dysregulation, and I know from experience that my mood is highly impacted by food and sleep. So, I start by checking in:
Have I eaten recently?
Did I eat enough?
When was the last time I got a good, restful sleep?
These simple questions can quickly point out if one of my basic needs is contributing to how I feel.
Identify Current Stressors Next, I ask myself: What stressors am I experiencing right now? Sometimes, the triggers aren’t immediately obvious, especially if you're still learning about your emotional triggers. It can take time to understand them fully, but some common stressors to explore include:
Physical discomfort or illness
Financial concerns
Situations or interactions that remind you of past negative experiences
By identifying what’s contributing to my feelings of upset, I can better understand what’s going on emotionally.
Ask: What Do I Need Right Now? Once I understand why I’m feeling off, I focus on what I need in this moment. This could be something physical or emotional, like:
Validation (from myself or others)
A moment of kindness (towards myself or someone else)
A snack or something nourishing
Sunshine or fresh air
A hug or physical touch
I allow myself to ask for or give what I need, without judgment. Sometimes the solution is as simple as stepping outside for a minute or eating a healthy snack.
Repeat As Needed Often, there’s a temptation to believe that once I’ve addressed these needs, I should instantly feel better. The word should itself can be problematic because it reinforces the emotional hurt I’m trying to recover from. In reality, I might need to go through this process multiple times before I feel a significant shift.
If I notice that I’m becoming more emotional (e.g., increased crying, irritability, or sadness), I expand the questions I ask myself and allow room for repetition. Addressing my needs as often as necessary is key to honoring my emotional process.
